Sometimes technology empowers me. Things work smoother and faster and I can write, connect, watch, create and generally do and be more, as result of magic of technology.
Then there are times when technology thwarts me at every turn. Things break, slow down or just become ridiculously complicated. When that happens, technology can suck the energy out of just about every task big and small.
After months of everything working relatively smoothly, I seem to find myself thwarted by machines, captive to electrical conundrums, bogged down by bad connections and generally wading through the muck of technology gone wrong.
The televisions have had memory cards replaced, firmware upgrades and new panels installed. The cordless phones have taken to randomly deciding to let me know who's calling or not, as it pleases them. The programmable thermostat seems to want to decide for itself when the heat should go full blast or completely off. Bulbs in my bedroom and the backyard refuse to power up and provide light. My Blackberry's trackball has developed a sluggishness and a stickiness that makes me suspect that some of that nasty green goo from Ghost Busters is oozing just behind the faceplate.
But the most vexing problems are with my computer and its relationship to programs and the Internet. It's slow. Really realley sl-o-o-o-o-o-o-w. Which is maddening enough, but it loses things. It forgets things. It doesn't want to connect to sites and people it should connect to. It misbehaves, acting like it doesn't care to help me do the things I need and want to do. This defiant, sluggish laptop was purchased in May of this year.
I've tried all the usual (but not extreme) remedies that those of us with an above average comfort level with personal technology know to do in these situations. I've tried them two and three times or more.
It might be time for more drastic measures. But before I go that far, one of my business partners offered up his "Technology Cleansing Ritual".
I think it might be worth a shot.
When you are in the snowy cold of Minnesota, take your laptop, remove any jewelry and do the following:
1. Gather freshly cut parsley and place it in a pan of distilled water. Let it soak for nine minutes. Sprinkle the water throughout the house while visualizing a calm environment.
2. Go outside, face Seattle and chant the following: I will uphold the Redmond creed. High in spirit, I shall succeed. Power of the Elements Five, will help my data stay alive. From grains of earth to the moving air, past the burning fire that magic flares, flow with water, lakes, and streams; around the spirit's aura and dreams. Keep my karma high aloft and let me play with Microsoft.
3. Avoid eating any liver or organ meat for one month.
You should be good to go!
J
This s just a quick entry, I feel like I've drained myself a bit on here recently and I don't want to write too much today. So this is really just to show you how much work went into this picture. It started off with me finding the Edwardian butterfly box on ebay late one night back in August. I often sit and type in random words and see what ebay comes up with, I can never find interesting things being too specific, so I usually use this 'lucky dip' approach and it sometimes comes up with treasures like the box. Originally we were going to shoot Katie holding the box on the day of the 'bookpit' picture... and then we ran out of time. It then dragged on and on, and every time Katie came over for a new picture, we never managed to do this character. Finally on the last day of shooting back in September, we ran out of time again and decided that we would meet In October once we'd all had a rest to take this last shot. Typically though the more time I was allowed to think about it, the bigger the idea became, and by the 4th of October, the 'box' picture had morphed into a 'giant hair, white witch' picture :)
Elbie turned up at my house with her suitcase full of make-up and hair extensions, and we spent the next 5 hours creating the screen of hair. We took an old picture frame and covered it with chicken wire. We then started weaving hair extensions and ivy I had collected from the woods through the framework. It was far more dfficult than we expected and took so much longer than planned. We tried to stick the hair and nothing would hold it, so we had to hand tie it with string, elastic bands and in some places actually sew the hair to the different layers we had created underneath it. Once Katie arrived, Elbie did her make-up and attached a couple of wig pieces to her natural hair, and then we spent another hour or more attaching Katies hair to the screen. It was the most preparation we had done for any of the photos... it took over 6 hours to get ready, and then 15 minutes to take the picture ! But as always it was worth it, and poor Katie was so patient. It was a pretty bizarre sight having this giant white witch sitting in my living room....... but after a summer of this kind of thing, it was strangely familiar too :) !
So here are the pictures of us making the gaint hair !! -
I know that things have sounded very sad recently, and I can't hide it when I feel that way. This week has been one of the hardest I can remember since losing her last year. I've been off work and rattling around the house, trying to rest and pull myself together. I've ignored my phone and gone into myself like I always do, and I feel terrible because I know so many people are just trying to help, but its my answer to everything.... hide.. hide.... hide. BUT this isnt about sad things, today I just wanted to remember a good time, one of the simplest and best days I've had in ages. Today I went back to my favourite place ...... the woods. Well, 'new woods' to be exact. I've begun researching for the new Wonderland pictures, and as always its the forests I return to. I have no idea why I am so calmed, and so relieved when I am there,.... but standing in the broken sunlight, climbing over stumps and jumping on fallen branches...... splashing in the mud, and just closing my eyes and breathing that air.... Its like washing my face in happiness. I am me, I feel free, suddenly everything is ok again, and I can focus on new ideas, instead of all the negatives I constantly drag around in my head.
So this is just for keeps ... basic snaps of magical places I found today (the tunnel above is my fav). While the rest of the world was battling through the streets Christmas shopping, I was knee deep in sludgy mud, with an enormous smile.
This felt good..... this felt real ............... this is all I need.......................
Watch this stunningly beautiful, breath-taking vision of Picasso's anti-war masterpiece Guernica animated by Lena Gieseke.
Nowadays I find myself hesitate before writing the truth down ….. but I can’t change what this is. Like taking the photos… this is me, my soul, my heart, the things I want to remember… come what may. Tonight the highs of the magazine seem washed away by my loss of her yet again. Its raining… it hasn’t stopped for what feels like days, and my heart is drowning in this swirl of memories.
I had to come home from work early again …. some days there is no hope, I am still so weak at times. Wonderland has become so much more than a project… maybe its my alternative world, somehow it comforts me, these storybook lands… these characters. I sometimes just sit and look at the colours and the scenes, and wish myself there again… some of those were the happiest days I have had since her death. Tonight I walked home in the rain… hands in pockets, hood up ……headphones blocking out the real world. Grey shapes pass, slide, splash my shoes, cold air against my sore skin… antibiotics fill my system… music fills my ears. I dream of new pictures…. beautiful creatures, colours… magical woods and distant star lit snow. Where would I be without my camera? It used to be a therapy… now it is a doorway to an enchanted place, where I am me, truly me. At night I see everything so clearly, I dream in hyper reality… the forests are damp under my feet, I see paper mache moons, a pale girl trapped in a snow globe…. Katie in the velvet circus costume I’m making for her….. dancing. Its like the pictures are already made, just waiting to be set free with the click of a shutter. This is making no sense….. but I’m beyond caring, I will remember this, and why I needed to write it down. I don’t know where it will end…. any of it, the pictures, the stories… all I know is that there is a sea of it inside me right now… raging, raging, raging. I want to push harder… make things bigger, embrace it, step away from the conventional…. This is where I can lose my physical self, and be free of this broken shell…and she is there with me…. always… I can feel it……… I can feel it.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
“This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted.”
When you think you're too old, too young, too smart or too dumb
When you're laggin' behind an' losin' your pace
In the slow-motion crawl or life's busy race
No matter whatcha doin' if you start givin' up
If the wine don't come to the top of your cup
If the wind got you sideways it's one hand holdin' on
And the other starts slippin' and the feelin' is gone
And your train engine fire needs a new spark to catch it
And the wood's easy findin' but you're lazy to fetch it
And your sidewalk starts curlin' and the street gets too long
And you start walkin' backwards though you know that it's wrong
And lonesome comes up as down goes the day
And tomorrow's mornin' seems so far away
And you feel the reins from your pony are slippin'
And your rope is a-slidin' 'cause your hands are a-drippin'
And your sun-decked desert and evergreen valleys
Turn to broken down slums and trash-can alleys
And your sky cries water and your drain pipe's a-pourin'
And the lightnin's a-flashin' and the thunder's a-crashin'
The windows are rattlin' and breakin' and the roof tops are shakin'
And your whole world's a-slammin' and bangin'
And your minutes of sun turn to hours of storm
An' to yourself you sometimes say
"I never knew it was gonna be this way
Why didn't they tell me the day I was born?" And you start gettin' chills and you're jumpin' from sweat
And you're lookin' for somethin' you ain't quite found yet
And you're knee-deep in dark water with your hands in the air
And the whole world's watchin' with a window peek stare
And your good gal leaves and she's long gone a-flyin'
And your heart feels sick like fish when they're fryin'
And your jackhammer falls from your hands to your feet
But you need it badly an' it lays on the street
And your bell's bangin' loudly but you can't hear its beat
And you think your ears mighta been hurt
Your eyes've turned filthy from the sight-blindin' dirt
And you figured you failed in yesterday's rush
When you were faked out an' fooled while facin' a four flush
And all the time you were holdin' three queens
It's makin you mad, it's makin' you mean
Like in the middle of Life magazine
Bouncin' around a pinball machine
And there's something on your mind that you wanna be sayin'
That somebody someplace oughta be hearin'
But it's trapped on your tongue, sealed in your head
And it bothers you badly when your layin' in bed
And no matter how you try you just can't say it
And you're scared to your soul you just might forget it
And your eyes get swimmy from the tears in your head
An' your pillows of feathers turn to blankets of lead
And the lion's mouth opens and you're starin' at his teeth
And his jaws start closin' with you underneath
And you're flat on your belly with your hands tied behind
And you wish you'd never taken that last detour sign
You say to yourself just what am I doin'
On this road I'm walkin', on this trail I'm turnin'
On this curve I'm hangin'
On this pathway I'm strollin', this space I'm taking
And this air I'm inhaling?
Am I mixed up too much, am I mixed up too hard
Why am I walking, where am I running
What am I saying, what am I knowing
On this guitar I'm playing, on this banjo I'm frailing
On this mandolin I'm strumming, in the song I'm singing,
In the tune I'm humming, in the words that I'm thinking
In the words I'm writing
In this ocean of hours I'm all the time drinking
Who am I helping, what am I breaking
What am I giving, what am I taking?
But you try with your whole soul best
Never to think these thoughts and never to let
Them kind of thoughts gain ground
Or make your heart pound
But then again you know when they're around
Just waiting for a chance to slip and drop down
'Cause sometimes you hear 'em when the night time come creeping
And you fear they might catch you sleeping
And you jump from your bed, from the last chapter of dreamin'
And you can't remember for the best of your thinkin'
If that was you in the dream that was screaming
And you know that's somethin' special you're needin'
And you know there's no drug that'll do for the healing
And no liquor in the land to stop your brain from bleeding You need somethin' special
You need somethin' special, all right
You need a fast flyin' train on a tornado track
To shoot you someplace and shoot you back
You need a cyclone wind on a stream engine howler
That's been banging and booming and blowing forever
That knows your troubles a hundred times over
You need a Greyhound bus that don't bar no race
That won't laugh at your looks
Your voice or your face
And by any number of bets in the book
Will be rolling long after the bubblegum craze
You need something to open up a new door
To show you something you seen before
But overlooked a hundred times or more
You need something to open your eyes
You need something to make it known
That it's you and no one else that owns
That spot that you're standing, that space that you're sitting
That the world ain't got you beat
That it ain't got you licked
It can't get you crazy no matter how many times you might get kicked
You need something special, all right
You need something special to give you hope
But hope's just a word
That maybe you said, maybe you heard
On some windy corner 'round a wide-angled curve But that's what you need man, and you need it bad
And your trouble is you know it too good
'Cause you look an' you start gettin' the chills
'Cause you can't find it on a dollar bill
And it ain't on Macy's window sill
And it ain't on no rich kid's road map
And it ain't in no fat kid's fraternity house
And it ain't made in no Hollywood wheat germ
And it ain't on that dim-lit stage
With that half-wit comedian on it
Rantin' and ravin' and takin' your money
And you thinks it's funny
No, you can't find it neither in no night club, no yacht club
And it ain't in the seats of a supper club
And sure as hell you're bound to tell
No matter how hard you rub
You just ain't a-gonna find it on your ticket stub
No, it ain't in the rumors people're tellin' you
And it ain't in the pimple-lotion people are sellin' you
And it ain't in a cardboard-box house
Or down any movie star's blouse
And you can't find it on the golf course
And Uncle Remus can't tell you and neither can Santa Claus
And it ain't in the cream puff hairdo or cotton candy clothes
Ain't in the dime store dummies an' bubblegum goons
And it ain't in the marshmallow noises of the chocolate cake voices
That come knocking and tapping in Christmas wrapping
Sayin' ain't I pretty and ain't I cute, look at my skin,
Look at my skin shine, look at my skin glow,
Look at my skin laugh, look at my skin cry,
When you can't even sense if they got any insides
These people so pretty in their ribbons and bows
No, you'll not now or no other day
Find it on the doorsteps made of paper maché
And inside of the people made of molasses
That every other day buy a new pair of sunglasses
And it ain't in the fifty-star generals and flipped-out phonies
Who'd turn you in for a tenth of a penny
Who breathe and burp and bend and crack
And before you can count from one to ten
Do it all over again but this time behind your back, my friend,
The ones that wheel and deal and whirl and twirl
And play games with each other in their sand-box world
And you can't find it either in the no-talent fools
That run around gallant
And make all the rules for the ones that got talent
And it ain't in the ones that ain't got any talent but think they do
And think they're fooling you
The ones that jump on the wagon
Just for a while 'cause they know it's in style
To get their kicks, get out of it quick
And make all kinds of rnoney and chicks
And you yell to yourself and you throw down your hat
Saying, "Christ, do I gotta be like that?
Ain't there no one here that knows where I'm at
Ain't there no one here that knows how I feel
Good God Almighty, that stuff ain't real": No, but that ain't your game, it ain't your race
You can't hear your name, you can't see your face
You gotta look some other place
And where do you look for this hope that you're seekin'
Where do you look for this lamp that's a-burnin'
Where do you look for this oil well gushin'
Where do you look for this candle that's glowin'
Where do you look for this hope that you know is there
And out there somewhere
And your feet can only walk down two kinds of roads
Your eyes can only look through two kinds of windows
Your nose can only smell two kinds of hallways
You can touch and twist
And turn two kinds of doorknobs
You can either go to the church of your choice
Or you go to Brooklyn State Hospital You find God in the church of your choice
You find Woody Guthrie in Brooklyn State Hospital
And though it's only my opinion
I may be right or wrong
You'll find them both
In Grand Canyon
Sundown
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